Drink to Your Health

Scott Brown, the first Republican Senetor elected in Massachusetts in the last 30 years,  makes one heck of a Cosmo centerfold. Too bad he is going to kill universal healthcare. Looks like he’s okay with making his private option…public. What are the teabaggers going to say about this one? Is anyone going to comment on this Elephant in the room?

Okay. We’re sufficient in the pun department.

-J.

we’re old, we’re gold, get used to it.

would botox injections prevent agism among the technilogically obsolete?

-J.

how is this the first time i’ve heard this brilliance?

serge gainsbourg + screamin jay hawkins singing about constipation. well actually serge grumbles, most likely insults in french, while hawkins makes fart noises and drifts in and out of tongues. please, do yourself a favor, and watch the video. it’s a relic.

-J.

enigma

Does anyone really enjoy Rod Stewart?

belly chain ‘n  satin pants.

I have this weird thing about his appearance. Mainly, that it disgusts me. With feathered hair, a loosened necktie, and unzipped dress pants, Stewart is disheveled in a manner that boasts last night was naughty in a way that is only legal in Tijuana (cut to Rod smoking opium, surrounded by gerbils and naked Lucha Libre fighters).

Then he has his singing. I wish I was aware of a better word to describe his ‘voice’. Like, imagine acid reflux meets cheap cognac meets that intercom music they play in the elevator as you travel down to the 7th layer of hell. Let’s just say, not lovely. If anyone knows a Rod Stewart fan, please report them to the closest institution for further tests; they are most likely insane. Or deaf. And blind.

-J.

peanut butter and gelly

I love jello molds. They are beautiful. Defying gravity, these tasty, color-coordinated gels make me reminiscent for the past that I wasn’t even alive to enjoy. Completely kitsch, slightly disgusting (once you truly analyze the ingredients), jello molds are still, in the end, gorgeous gelatinous gems. When I die I don’t want to be buried. I don’t want to be cremated. I want to be preserved in a jello mold,  garnished with canned peach slices and whipped cream. And maybe some of those miniature pickles too. Yeah.

-J.

i told my parents i would take up a new hobby

don’t mess, mother fucker.

-J.

prim n proper

Give it up to Banksy. This chaste countess sporting spikes and a gimp mask, for me, is Banksy’s most vulgar and successful work.

Bravo.

-J.